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When another breaks a person’s heart, it is an injury that is so grievous, traumatic, so tremendous, and often so deep in some cases, it takes years and even lifetimes to recover, if a person recovers, ever. It is fair to say that a pain of a broken heart affects the rest of a person’s life. The pain of a broken heart is a very real and deep pain; ask anyone who has suffered from one. The pain of a broken heart, in some instances, is so catastrophic that its results are tragic, ending in suicide and crimes much worse, even murder. When a person’s heart is broken, they lapse into depression, caused by the grief of loss. One suffers the same grief when a loss is due to the death of a loved one. There have even been reports of people dying because of a broken heart. So, why is a broken heart taken so casually in this country? Why do people have the attitude, “Get over it!” like it is such an easy thing to do, and why do men, so easily enter into multiple relationships, casting off older relationships and whole families sometimes, like old clothing they feel are cumbersome, or no longer suit their needs? Why do some women tromp all over men’s hearts? The answer is because they can.
We Americans, as a culture, seem to put little or no value on the heart and soul of another. Unless there are children involved, even the court system lacks to acknowledge the damage done by failed relationships. People can freely dump all over partners without guilt or a second thought, and then move on to the next relationship, without remorse or responsibility to the last. No one is held accountable for the damages caused to the heart, soul and lives of previous loved ones. In fact, most people are rather callous to the heartbreak suffered by others, as if the injuries suffered by heart and soul are trivial. “Get over him or her, for Gods sake, move on!” How many of us have heard this?
Let me try to put this into perspective. Let’s say something happens in a person’s life that will have an adverse affect; let’s say life as you know it will be changed forever. If there is, let’s say a car accident involving a person’s physical health and well-being, friends and family rally to offer love and support. Attorneys and courts scramble to put a value on the part of a person’s life that has suffered, and damages are awarded. Often times, this is a difficult task because “what is the value of a human life?” This implies that the value is so tremendous that it is difficult to measure. “Human life, which includes the heart and soul, for without them there is no life, has value; tremendous value!” We are able to seek damages for pain and suffering for an injury that is visible. Are we to believe that the damage to a human heart has no value? Are we to say that a human soul is worthless to be tossed aside at the whim of another? “What about the value of years invested in a relationship that can never be recovered? What about the loss of self-esteem, the bills for therapy needed for recovery? What if there are children involved. How many hearts and souls are damaged, now?
MEN – this pertains primarily to you, but some women too! Beauty is only skin deep, and does not last forever. When you invest in a relationship, it is an investment for life, not until the paint wears off. I am shocked at the values of many men in America, today. As a man, you should value your relationship, at the very least as much as you value your monetary holdings. In reality, you should value your relationship more, than you do anything in the world. What people invest in a relationship is far more important then money, or possessions. They invest pieces of themselves that are vulnerable; pieces of themselves that once lost are difficult, if not impossible to get back. Not only do people invest their valuable time, they invest huge chunks of their heart, and their soul when they let themselves care for another. A person’s heart and soul are priceless. If a person invests their heart and soul in you, and you reciprocate, you each literally hold the fate of the other person’s heart and soul in your hands. Do men in America really care that little about the lives and fates of others they become involved with? Are men in America heartless? I know, I know, not all men, some women, too.
The words, “I love you,” are very powerful words, which should never be spoken lightly. When people commit to a relationship, they enter into this relationship in good faith, and usually for the long haul, or at least they should. They enter into a contract, whether it is a verbal contract, or in the case of marriage, a written contract with the anticipation that the relationship is the most precious thing in the world, which will last forever and will be attended to with the utmost care, and devotion. Many people are sincere about their commitment and enter into the relationship whole-heartedly. However, some enter into relationships without forethought, or with ulterior motives; some enter into relationships and marriage with the attitude, if it doesn’t work out, oh well, next!
A lack of a serious understanding or a lack of a serious attitude about the institution of marriage is fatal to the relationship. In addition, a lack of understanding about the serious implications of sex in a relationship is damaging to one’s soul. Even in today’s world where there is a tremendous lack of moral fiber, living together without a marriage contract, and one-night stands, the heart is still vulnerable. Most women find it nearly, impossible to have a physical relationship without feelings being damaged, if the relationship is tossed aside. Yet, people enter into these kind of self-deprecating relationships all of the time, why? The most likely reason people enter into shallow relationships and casual one-night stands is because they are not healed from the trauma of a past broken relationship. This type of behavior only repeats the cycle of heartbreak, passing it on and creating the trauma in others.
There is an old saying that goes something like this, “A man’s word is his bond, and a man is only as good as his word,” this refers to a man or woman. When a person enters into marriage, traditionally, he/she takes vows. A vow is a promise, a solemn pledge, in other words, a vow taken upon marriage is giving one’s word, one’s bond of commitment to that relationship. Indeed this is solemn and serious. Marriage’s are not, or should not be entered into lightly. A marriage is the hardest work and the biggest challenge anyone will ever endure, and if it is not, then the person is not doing their job in the relationship. Marriage is not for the faint hearted. Marriage is work! There is a reason the traditional marriage vows say, “For better or worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do us part.” This does not mean until you gain weight, and my secretary is more attractive! “This does not mean that you have gotten older and my secretary deludes me into thinking I am still young!” This does not mean, “You are not making enough money, or you have a drinking problem!” Marriage vows are intended for the duration of the relationship.
Learn to protect your heart. Everyone, need to realize their worth. If you are going to give a piece of your heart, and soul to another, be sure that they capable, and are worthy of cherishing it for you. Before you commit your valuable heart and soul to a relationship, take your time to see if this person is really, who you want to trust your heart with for the rest of your life. Does this person have the strength, the guts and the fortitude to make it through the long haul? When the going gets tough, does he or she get going, or do they try to work things through? If he or she is a person who acts skittish at the first sign of trouble, you can probably bet they will be looking for greener pastures, if things get tough. Are they willing and capable for taking responsibility for their own actions, or do they pass the buck, and play the woes me game?
Even in today’s fast-paced world, we need to slow dating down. A relationship needs to be based upon much more then physical-attraction. A relationship must be based upon trust, and trust must be earned. It takes a little time to earn trust. Rushing into a relationship can be compared to buying a pig in a poke. You cannot possibly know what you are getting.
One last thing, if you do become a victim of a broken heart, listen up; don’t seek vengeance on the next poor unsuspecting soul that comes along. Don’t cling to bitterness. Don’t try to drown your sorrows in alcohol and a string of one-night stands. Don’t wallow in self-pity, but don’t let anyone diminish your pain and sorrow, either. Do grieve. Do take the time to heal, and rebuild your self-esteem. Do get emotional help if you need it, and don’t be ashamed to get it. Your jaded bitterness and hatred; though, can be inflicted upon others, is far more damaging to you, and rarely affects the party that hurt you. Seeking revenge by trying to take your pain out on the opposite sex is ridiculous! Its like waging war with Canada because Russia bombed you. Don’t let the jerk that broke your heart perpetuate their bad conduct through you; stop the cycle and help put value back into hearts and souls.
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