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 TR: Good morning.  Are you Mrs. Clinton? 

HC: Yes, but I prefer Senator Clinton if you don’t mind.

TR: Yes of course. I’m sorry. You are much taller in person.

HC: No, I’m always the same height but I think I know what you mean. You need to be more precise with your statements.

TR: Maybe it’s because I’m so short.

HC: No, I really am tall. I just look short when I stand next to Bill so most people think I’m short – especially those who don’t know me personally. I was told this would take no more than five minutes.

TR: Yes, I will be very brief. They only allowed me three questions. Do you mind if I use my tape recorder?

HC: Yes, I do mind. We agreed on no tapes and no videos – especially no videos, not this early in the morning.

TR: Ok, then I’ll just take notes.

HC: Please. Sit down already.

TR: Thank you. It must be hard living out of a suitcase.

HC: That sounded like a statement but I will assume it was really a question and no, it’s not hard at all. Not when I have four hundred thirty nine people looking after me, not including Bill.

TR: I was just making a comment.

HC: That’s too bad. You have two more questions.

TR: Why are you so mean to Senator Obama?

HC: Oh, my God! Where did you get your training my friend?   

TR: I have a Doctorate from the Eve Ning Sun School of Advanced Photography in North Korea. Why?

HC: What kind of school is that?

TR: Correspondence…. 

HC: I knew it! I just had a feeling about that, you know. You are a perfect example of why, in my administration, I will stress education above all else.

TR: What about health care?

HC: That, too. And Social Security and the environment and foreign policy and New Orleans.

TR: Why New Orleans?

HC: What State are we in?

TR: Texas.

HC: Ok, then, let’s rebuild El Paso, San Antonio, and Fort Worth instead.

TR: Our readers might take that the wrong way.

HC: No, honestly, I could use the delegates.

TR: And the money?

HC: I’ll take it out of the funding for Iraq. They no longer need so much money.

TR: You sound so confident and sure of yourself.

HC: It’s the leader in me. One cannot run for office with fear in one’s heart. One must be strong and persistent and optimistic, like a five-star General.

TR: Were you in the military?

HC: No, but that’s irrelevant. It takes greater bravery to be a politician than to be a military commander. The constant criticism, second guessing, gossip, innuendo, mud-slinging, editorials, blogs, and downright lies… it’s not easy, believe me. 

TR: But it has its pluses, too.

HC: If you’re referring to the formal and fancy State dinners, Air-Force One, the adulation from people who truly understand you, the perks, the speaking fees afterward, and the great awe-inspiring power, yes, of course. That’s why I truly want to serve my country – to turn things around while Bill and I enjoy all of that all over again.

TR: Will President Clinton be your most trusted advisor?

HC: Well, of course, I will be President Clinton.

TR: I meant your husband.

HC: I knew what you meant – I was just making a little joke that evidently went over your head.

TR: I’m sorry.

HC: No that’s ok, I know your limitations. I sometimes think people don’t really know that I can be sympathetic. I have to constantly explain that a person in my position has to strike a balance between being soft and being tough, but mostly tough.

TR: Is that why you’re mean to Senator Obama?

HC: There you go again. Besides, it’s not me, it’s Bill.

TR: Is he a jealous man?

HC: That’s a personal question and I won’t answer it for the record - just between you and me, though, he is quite the jealous one but he’s always tried not to show it. You cannot print that, of course.

TR: Don’t worry, I won’t.

HC: In any relationship, one must always forgive and compromise if that relationship is to continue. Love, above all else, is generosity, but it must absolutely be a two-way street. The government can play a fatherly role, yes, but the children must be responsible children.

TR: You remind me of President Roosevelt.

HC: Which one?

TR: Both.

HC: You can’t be that old.

TR: Yes, I am. I was just a child back then but I still remember the Rough Riders.

HC: You look very young for your age – whatever it is. How do you do it?

TR: I take natural herbs and natural supplements on a daily basis.

HC: I shall have to talk to my National Health Plan consultants about that. It could save the country a ton of money.

TR: Will you find it hard to run the country with so many complex problems?

HC: No, not really. The hardest part will actually be to unravel those complexities so that they become simple problems. I shouldn’t give too much of my game plan away, but take the domestic side, for example. What the country needs is all there in the Declaration of Independence – the common defense, health, liberty, peace – even happiness.

TR: And, the Constitution?

HC: The courts can take care of the Constitution.

TR: I don’t know what you mean.

HC: Well, I’m not going to explain it to you in two minutes, besides; I think your time is up. My security people will escort you out.

TR: But, what about immigration policy and the economy and the Middle East?

HC: There will be plenty of time to worry about those issues; in the meantime, I have to concentrate on the nomination, so, if you will please excuse me, you have to go. On your way out, tell Bill I’m ready to see him.

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