Coffee Club Newsletter ©Volume 18, No. 3 - February 18, 2008 Good morning Coffee Club members (and subscribers). As you will recall, after last week’s somewhat successful interview with Senator Clinton, the Timid Reporter ventured out to locate Senator Obama. Having located him, he managed (on Sunday) to get permission for a three-minute interview, after a lengthy but pleasant discussion with his press office (he says); most of it is printed below. As always, any similarity to persons actually living or events actually happening is strictly coincidental.  --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

TR: Good afternoon.  Are you Senator Obama? 

BO: I’ll pretend that question was not for real but yes, I most certainly am.

TR: I’m sorry. It’s just that I was trained to personally verify everything even if I was already certain of the facts.

BO: No problem, sir. Have a seat over there by my laptop. Make yourself comfortable. A cup of coffee was prepared for you. Just add sugar and cream to your liking. You’ve got two minutes forty five seconds.

TR: Thank you. That was so gracious of your staff. I know you’re super busy.  

BO: Actually, today is a slow day – I only have to make five speeches and keep twenty four appointments.

TR: Why do they keep your agenda so full?

BO: I am the one who keeps it full. It’s not forced on me by anyone or by circumstances. I am almost always energized and ready for whatever comes my way. Don’t you read the papers?

TR: I can never get past the front page.

BO: Well, that’s where I am. That’s where you’ll find me.

TR: I did read that the nomination will go all the way to the convention. Neither you nor Senator Clinton can get enough delegates to clinch the nomination before you get there. Does that worry you?

BO: On the contrary, I welcome the challenge. It is very thrilling to make gains in the face of doubts and obstacles.

TR: You have a large following among college students.

BO: …And among a very broad spectrum of the American voting public. Read the polls. Read the surveys. They all say the same thing. My support cuts across all kinds of demarcation lines or divides, if you will. The evidence is indisputable, irrefutable, and unassailable.

TR: I don’t know what you mean.

BO: Oh, my goodness! Where are your credentials? How on earth did you get this far?

TR: I have a Doctorate from the Eve Ning Sun School of Advanced Photography in North Korea.

BO: No wonder. Don’t we have sanctions against that country?

TR: I got it twenty five years ago.

BO: Well, I’ll tell you what…. It’s time to take refresher courses - lots of them. Perhaps you could transition into one of those new green jobs. I can help you.

TR: Really?

BO: My administration will help create ten million green jobs in the very near term – one of those very jobs is meant for you. You need it and you deserve it, sir.

TR: I can hardly believe my good fortune. They told me you were inspiring and I can feel it - they were so right. The Coffee Club will be so happy.

BO: What’s your readership like? What’s your circulation?

TR: There are fifteen members and they pass the Newsletter around to other people so maybe there are fifty readers in all.

BO: That’s a wonderful start. You are all registered to vote?

TR: I’m embarrassed to admit it but I’m not.

BO: Well, let’s not worry about that. We’ll take care of it. How many campuses are there where you’re from?

TR: Five, I think.  

BO: Well, I’ll check with my staff but I think that translates to approximately ten thousand new voters, if we can get them registered. With your little Newsletter, you will help my campaign get them all registered. I have a plan.

TR: But, how can you be sure they will all vote for you?

BO: They’re students aren’t they?

TR: Yes, of course.

BO: Don’t ever forget that nobody is born registered. You have to make it happen. We can do unbelievable things with our hands, with our imaginations. If you’re not afraid to fail, you won’t. Don’t ever give up.

TR: You remind me of Winston Churchill during the London Blitz.

BO: You remember that?

TR: I was there in the bunkers. I was in my mid twenties.

BO: Well, I am honored to know you. You must have found the fountain of youth.

TR: Senator Clinton told me the same thing. She said she would use my vitamin supplement regimen with her Comprehensive Health Plan.

BO: What else did she say?

TR: I promised not to tell.

BO: Don’t worry. I won’t be the one to make you break a promise.

TR: Ok.

BO: I wish we had lots more time to talk - perhaps we can follow up in the future.

TR: That would be nice.

BO: My staff will prepare a special packet for you. It will have everything you’ll need to help our campaign. Just call the number on that card. On top of that, I will see to it that you get sixteen vouchers – one for you and one for each of your Coffee Club members - for complimentary dinners at a restaurant of their choice. They won’t even have to worry about the tip – it’s already included. We never forget to tip.

TR: Thank you so much Senator Obama.

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