1. Find Solutions, Not Faults Are you quick to point a finger if your child makes a mistake? Do you constantly criticize the child for his/her behavior? If yes, then you are sending wrong messages to your child. Parents, who merely blame the child for his/her faults and fail to teach correct behavior, cause irreparable damage to their child’s self-esteem. These children never learn to handle difficult situations and get easily frustrated and disheartened.          Instead of finding faults parents should be busy fixing them. They should try to ensure that the mistakes and misbehavior do not recur, and give children opportunity to realize and analyze their mistakes. This makes them more responsible and resilient and gradually they learn right behavior and develop right attitudes. 

2.   Use Rewards, Avoid Punishment Rewards reinforce desired behavior, while punishment strengthens feelings of worthlessness. All children want to win parental approval. Some make it quite obvious by their continuous striving; others project an indifferent exterior, but may work towards gaining parental praise in their own secretive way. The onus of recognizing, appreciating and rewarding children’s efforts lies on the parents. Throughout this book I have repeatedly advocated the use of reward system in the hope, that parents will adopt it and use it more often. Rewards need not always be monetary or in the form of gifts. Praise, show of affection or a pat on the back works equally well and is quite effective in generating feelings of self-worth.  

3.  Let Children Take Decisions. The ability to think clearly and decide quickly is the hallmark of all successful people. Allowing children to take decisions that affect their daily life gives them an opportunity to exercise control and enhances their self-esteem. It also makes them more adept at taking major decisions in later life. Decisions about clothes to wear, toothpaste or soap to use, photographs to decorate own room, friends to invite to the birthday party, selecting the menu – all can help the child grow in confidence. Mistakes are bound to happen but they must be viewed positively and utilized as learning experiences. 

4.  Don’t Handle Kids with ‘Kid Gloves’ Each time you rush to the aid of your children you underline their incompetence and undermine their confidence. Unwittingly you are reinforcing their feelings of low self-esteem. Some parents have the tendency to ‘bail-out’ their children each time they are confronted with a difficult situation. To prevent children from facing frustration and possible failure parents try to alter the environment, in an attempt to make it more favorable. In shielding children from every danger, such parents deny them needed opportunities for reality testing. These children get a distorted view of the world and may become so dependent that they are unable to meet any challenge without adult help. The ability to master the environment and find solutions to problems is crucial to the development of a positive self-image. Isadora Duncan said, “The finest inheritance you can give a child is to allow it to make its own way completely on its own feet”. Parents must allow children to explore and experiment. When children are permitted to profit from their own mistakes with a minimum of adult interference they tend to be more confident, less dependent on adults and better able to face reality. These children have high self-esteem and strong feelings of self-worth.  

5.  Leave Scope For Disagreement. We live in a democratic society, which bestows on us the freedom of speech. As adults we have the independence to agree or disagree with any viewpoint. Should our children be denied this basic right? Children must be given opportunities to express themselves and register their protests. Parents and teachers should be prepared to listen to children’s point of view. Even when their point of view does not evoke a favorable response, the knowledge that they were given a sympathetic and sincere audience, makes children feel important and worthy. Such opportunities convince children that they have say in matters concerning them. They come to realize they have the power to change their environment and mould their destiny. 

6. Allow Success To Succeed Once a child successfully accomplishes a task provide him/her more opportunities to do it again. Let the child repeat successful experiences as it builds self-esteem. With repeated opportunity and success, child masters the required skills and develops confidence. Simple task such as making tea, boiling eggs, taking telephone messages, fixing something around the house, making the shopping list can be used to repeat success. Proven track record of success is the ultimate proof of high self-esteem.  

7.  Set Realistic Goals Setting realistic goals and helping children achieve them is an important factor in improving self-esteem. Left to themselves children may set unrealistic goals, fail to achieve them and lose confidence. When this happens children become unwilling to venture out and face new challenges. Such children become limited in their experience and are vulnerable to failure. Repeated failures lead to development of avoidance behavior and feelings of inferiority. You must help your children in deciding their priorities and defining their goals. Once you know what the child wants to achieve, prepare a time bound program to go about it. Define clearly the steps necessary to reach the goal and treat each step as a smaller goal. If the child gets stuck at any stage offer him/her alternative ways to accomplish the task. Slowly but surely your child will reach the top with feelings of accomplishment at every step.

7 Words to OMIT           
Parents who want to improve their child’s self-esteem must omit the following seven words from their dictionary: 
(1) CRITICISM
(2)  HOSTILITY
(3) RIDICULE
(4) REJECTION
(5) DISAPPROVAL
(6) DISCOURAGEMENT
(7) UNFAIRNESS

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